Here’s my analysis of the depth of information and thought that’s gone into a deceptively brief piece of landing-page copy. It’s from https://realtimeboard.com/blog/accelerate-growth-early-stage-startups/ that I’m trying to use as inspiration for http://schemaexplorer.io/

I had to de-construct the example story in order to work out how to do my own so having put the work in I thought I’d share it with you all here.


Here’s the original in full:

“Hey, I know that you have two kids and you’re always buying the same milk, eggs, peanut butter, and bread every single week, but you’re also both really busy working parents. You don’t have much time and you’d much rather be able to spend time at home with your family than being at a busy grocery store. So there’s this great service called Farmstead where you’re able to have that same stuff delivered to you. You don’t even have to think about it, you don’t have to remember each week to put in all of those same things that you order on a weekly basis anyway. They can just bring it to you and you don’t have to worry about it. Delivery is free with a weekly subscription. I think you should definitely try this out, I think you’re going to save yourself a bunch of time.”

And now one piece at a time with my observations about what is being conveyed in this information-dense block of prose. You are looking at the work of a pro when you read the above text, and unless you look closely it’s easy to miss just how carefully crafted the whole thing is and how it touches on so many thoughts and feelings the ideal customer of Farmstead is likely to have, guiding them to the conclusion that they should give the service a try.


Hey,

being personable, we are not a big faceless corporation, you can actually talk to us like humans

I know that you have two kids

narrow down audience to parents (turn off non-parents, get parents more interested)

and you’re always buying the same milk, eggs, peanut butter, and bread

describe a behaviour they recognise they already do (increase engagement with the text, encourage reading further), hint that we’re going to solve a problem they have because they might be annoyed about the regular chore

every single week,

slightly pejorative terminology hints at the fact you might not be happy about repeating this tedious task, draw attention to your current pain that we’re going to solve

but you’re also both really busy working parents.

focus down the pain point to be that it’s a time consuming repeating the task and you wish you had more time back, hint that we’re going to be giving that time back to you

You don’t have much time

really drive that you have no time point home

and you’d much rather be able to spend time at home with your family

paint a picture of how much better your life would be if you take on our solution to your pain. Point out just what you’re sacrificing to go to the shops.

than being at a busy grocery store.

not only do you have the pain of lost time, but the experience of shopping is unpleasant (because it’s so busy)


 

Now that you know it’s you we want to help, we recognise your pain and we’ve shown we know how your life could be better…

So there’s this great service called Farmstead

Introduce the brand name. Tease. Read on to satisfy that completion-bias tendency in your brain that leaves you yearning to know what information you don’t have about this “Farmstead”.

Also the name itself conveys a lot of meaning

“Farm” – fresh produce, direct from the supplier
“stead” – homely, small supplies, not industrial or full of chemicals

where you’re able to have that same stuff

allay the fear that you’ll still have to go back to the old thing anyway because there’s something we don’t sell

delivered to you.

oh I see, so it’s a door to door delivery service. Noted. The shape of the offering is starting to emerge.

You don’t even have to think about it,

We’ve worked really hard on all our UX (user experience), automated as much as possible etc. so this will be easier than what you do now and better than competitors can do

you don’t have to remember each week to put in all of those same things that you order on a weekly basis anyway.

now you know it’s even got built in scheduled deliveries

They can just bring it to you

re-iterate delivery

and you don’t have to worry about it.

reminder that you do have have to worry about getting your normal shop done, speaks to pain of running out of the things because you forgot, worrying how you’re going to fit it in your day. Differentiates new offering as being something that just happens meaning you never run out

Delivery is free

Objection handling – people don’t want to pay for delivery when they could go to shops for nothing (even though it has a cost it’s how people see it). People have been burned before by finding something good then being stung for expensive delivery. I would expect that this is a common objection/question that came back in earlier rounds of testing with users and it’s been integrated into this prose to pre-empt the question before it’s even been asked.

with a weekly subscription.

warm people up to the payments they’ll have to make in a non-threatening way

I think you should definitely try this out,

nudge to take action. “Try” implies that it’s not a commitment and you can change your mind, allaying fears of being locked in for a year

I think you’re going to save yourself a bunch of time.

point to hard cost-benefit for the service – you don’t have time (as mentioned to start with, we know this person feels like they have no time because they are still reading after they identified with the first section). One last reminder of the key pain to the offering solves – lack of time


Let me know if that’s helped you in any way.

If you happen to be someone that deals with databases and are keen to try new tools then please do me a favour and sign up to the http://schemaexplorer.io/ mailing list (you’ll have to ignore my terrible marketing text till I’m as good as Brady).

~ Tim